So this week's episode made me want to do a comedic rundown on each of the models while using *colorful* language that IMDB will not allow me to use!
Gabriel: When I first saw you I thought what a handsome Hayden Christensen look-alike! I'm not gonna lie, I was excited and immediately pegged you as a potential threat to the others! You LOOKED like a model but now....I'm just not that into you! If the man was any more lifeless, I'd need to check for a pulse! And I'm REALLY tired of the 'broody bitchface' look he gives in EVERY photograph he takes. His Freak walk tonight had me in stiches- he looked like he had a rod shoved up his ass. He's pretty much a goner next episode unless Tyson intervenes again.....
Salmome: (Or as I like to call her Salami) I'll try to be gentle here....sweetie we all know that you're parents think you're going to suffer eternal damnation for leaving their Mennonite community BUT after the first 2 episodes it's really wearing thin with me. When she said that she did badly with the sports theme, I felt slightly bad for her at first but then I realized that everytime she does badly she uses it as a crutch and cues the violin music. WOMP WOMP moving on....
Amanda: Her hair has been driving me up a wall and I just KNEW that Tabitha would be her saving grace and deep-condition her hair back to shiny health but it wasn't the case. It still looks just as limp,brittle and dull as it did before she got the bangs. (sigh) I wanted her to have a new color for some reason I kept thinking that she'd make a fantastic redhead. Some celebrity 'stylist' you are Tabitha!!! BTW, Yeah that judge was a bitch to her and I kept thinking was "WHO THE FACK IS THIS SELF PROCLAIMED SUPERMODEL?" If she's a supermodel then how come I have NEVER heard of her mentioned among the other supermodel greats? That's just like them calling Jenny Shimizu a supermodel! I was like who are these 2 'supermodels' and how come I never heard of them before today?
Johnathan: What a beautiful man you are! He reminds me of Mr Smith Jared from Sex and the City (RAWR)...but he's so charmingly boring I can't stand it! When Johnathan is talking I find myself nodding off even through his beautiful accent! Sad really..... On a lighter note, he mos def deserved his immunity this week!
Sandhurst aka Chocolate Adonis: I like to think of him as "the 2nd coming of Tyson Beckford". Why is he on this show seriously? He does realize that this is the equivalent of America's Next Top Model where eventually the winner fades into obscurity after a month or two...you CAN'T tell me that if he walked into Ford Models that they wouldn't sign that man in a heartbeat. His oh so graceful ballet moves are grating my nerves- We GET IT he's graceful now let's move on (and i say that as someone who thinks he's a good model and one of the nicest in the house) Next thing he'll be doing pirouettes on the runway- CEASE AND DESIST!
Jordon: What can I say? Jordan has basically proclaimed herself as the Queen Bitch in the house, and I LOVE IT! She so devilishly devious, I want to slap her and hug her all at the same time! This is a girl who keeps it real....and in her case she can talk the talk and actually walk the walk. The bitch is good, if not great in her photographs and walk.
Mountaha: I intentionally spelled her name wrong, the woman is an AMAZON!! I hate hate hate that they dyed her hair platinum blonde, I think it makes her look washed out. I haven't really learned anything about her on this show other then she's from Brazil and that she's really into being 'punk rock'. Either she's devoid of personality or the camera simply doesn't care.....
Kerryn: You do NOT put your hands on a man peen in a room full of people. Poor Clark looked so uncomfortable as he was trying not to get a woody. Shame on you! I know that you are lusting for a piece of Superman but be smooth. It won't take much since he's a virgin and he's obviously attracted to you too....She was SO FIERCE last week, she actually looked like a model.
Clark/Colin: How adorable is he! I just love that he's a geeky guy in a modeling competition who doesn't think he looks like a model. Dude, seriously what the hell made you try out?! He's been improving week to week slowly and I think Tyson sees great potential in him but sadly I don't he'll last to much longer if he doesn't kick it up a notch. And Colin I know you don't usually get alot of 'play' from women but at this rate Jenny is going to have to get in your bed naked in order for you to realize she's not just friendly flirting with you!! Get some balls....make a move
Brendan: You remind me of the high school jocks that every girl pined to be with! It's all very nostalgic for me. All I know is this kid is good and that Nicole always gives him a little side smile when it's judges time- She KNOWS that he thinks she's hot and he KNOWS that she KNOWS he thinks she's hot and FURTHERMORE She KNOWS that he KNOWS that the attraction is mutual! Got that? Good
Shawn: You managed to even make me shift uncomfortably as I watched you sexually moan through you're photoshoot so I KNOW it was hella awkward for the photog who was actually there in the moment with you! (shudders) All that kept flashing through my head was "are those the noises that you make in bed with your hubby?" The thing is he was too old to start modeling and expect to make the big bucks and I didn't like his overall look anyway. The nail in his coffin was his freak walk....you'd have thought they wouldn't put the gay man in a head to to body stocking bejeweled beyond belief! As if that wasn't enough they slathered metallic paint on his face that made him look like a disco ball. As soon as he began down the runway, I felt like I was suddenly transported to Studio 54.....what was that about?
Naomi Campbell wannabe: I don't even remember this broad's name which is PRETTY BAD since I've been watching the show since day 1! She's that forgettable for me and I don't get it. Her picture today was good but in the past???? NO. She really irked my nerve when she had that jealous hissy fit about Amanda winning the go-see last week. I wanted Amanda to haul back a slap the bitch but I digress- she's got a sense of entitlement! Twice she's made comments about how she thinks she did better then this person or that person.....Somebody tell me what her name is?!!!
CJ: The most unliked girl in the house but she kinda did it to herself. The others don't think she's good and with the exception of tonight's great photo she still has alot to prove. I'll admit she's on my bad side after the 'Brown hair is dull and boring and trashy" comment . No sweets, YOU are dull and boring- she has no personality almost like an android. She one of those wannabe models who wants to stay looking the same (what's the point?!) Did anybody else feel that Tabitha had a 'thing' for her? The vibes were weird and this was another moment that I shifted uncomfortably in my seat because something seemed inappropriate lol dunno if she had a crush on CJ or what but it was weird!
SO next week I'll be back to chat about all the comings and goings hehe......drop me a comment or two
!!
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